When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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