I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I have aggressive nipples.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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