I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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