But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
