i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I have post one night stand depression
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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