Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
