my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
