Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
