thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
