i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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