just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
