Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
