We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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