Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
