we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
