shes about as inviting as chlamydia
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
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