So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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