I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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