if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
please don't ironically join a cult
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