he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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