No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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