I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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