i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I think my moral compass just broke
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