Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
