Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
vagina is talking i cant
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
