He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
