what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
