When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
