all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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