oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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