I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you would pick up someone in the library
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
