so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
