He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
