you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
