Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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