Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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