just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
