Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
