: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
