Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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