I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
