She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
