You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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