sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
