all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
