I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
