Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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