Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
