Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
