And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
