this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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