I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
