Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
