i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
