It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
